9/28/2006

Living in my own world
Didn't understand
That anything can happen if you take a chance
I never believed in what I couldn't see
I never opened my heart to all the possibilities
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
And right here tonight
This could be the start of something new

HAHA! Cheese.

[Note: change in blogging style. Because I can. hahaha]

Looks like the hiatus' over. hahaha

Really shouldn't be here, but wth.
Gosh, I'm still so smug. Haha, over yesterday.
There's not much else that can beat proving someone wrong, me thinks.
Haha. I'm not proud of my performance, but at least I proved that I was able to play.
He never thought I could before? Everytime he said my name/called me up to play, he always had this underlying tone, as if he knew that I would screw up.
I think it was that that always made me play badly.
Maybe I've finally learnt to ignore it or sthing.
I didn't play very well yesterday but it was better than most days, when he's around. Haha.
Stupid coach.
& also, all the little things people have been saying to me today.
& a little bit from yesterday.
Thankyou (:
Even if people don't say it out right, it's nice when you get this whole new perspective of the way people look at you. Positive or negative, it doesn't really matter.
Although there's also the fact that from what someone said, I'm one step closer to achieving my goal. Haha.
I realise one essential difference between here and there. Or at least, the difference between the hockey teams. Haha
In St. Nicks, we used to say how we really had to live up to the dreams, the seniors and all that. Talk about it, how we'd get there, what our goals were/are.
Over here, everything's understood. We don't have to say it out, everyone knows we've got to give it our best shot. As much for the passion as well as the name/(almost) legacy.
There'll always be pretence around, I know. But today I spoke to someone I never really had the guts to. All of us think she's got this (maybe subconcious) air about her that says, "I'm better than you ever will be. Go away!" Haha
But really, she's quite a nice person. Even if she IS from the "popular" crew. I'm proud to say that I'm not. Nothing against them, I'd just never be one of them really. It's just not who I am.
Haha. I'm glad I came to Tiffin really. If I had to start somewhere, I'm glad it was here.
This school's (especially this form's) got such a huge mish mash of people, I would never be able to fit in anywhere else. I would never have been able to develop into the person I am today, in this environment/country.
I've heard so many nasty things about the other schools - St Pauls, Colchester. All the private schools. (No offence) & well, I think all of it's come from the general opionin that they're really snobbish. Apart from all the drug facts. Haha. Come Monday, I'm gonna be able to see for myself.
I really doubt I'll be able to get the results needed to switch schools in the 6th form (JC), much less get a scholarship. & I don't really care.
I'm glad I'm in Tiffin & I think I'm finally beginning to show what I've really got.
Start of something new, right?
I've always said that there's nothing more frustrating than having someone not showing all the amazing stuff they've got inside of them, just because they don't dare to.
Maybe that was because I was like that too, before.
But it's almost as if this badge's given me new confidence or something? Haha
I know some people have really been acting hypocritically, but it's given me something to lean against, something I can use to ask for respect, even if it is just because of this badge.
I don't know haha. I just believe that once people see me for who I am, they'll realise that there's so much more to me than they realise. (:/) & really, the badge's got nothing to do with it, apart from giving the assurance I needed right from the start. I think. Haha.
It's a starting point. To be the difference I want to be.

St Pauls open house next Monday. Missing training (ugh lkjhdsf D:), going to check it out. I don't want to go there at the moment, but I'm not jumping to conclusions. Rehearsals Tuesday. Match against Nonsuch (friendly) on Wednesday. Busy week again ahead. But I'll manage. It's going to be a-okay.

Good luck for eoys/os/as/everything else (:

:D
6:42 PM